Socially Accepting the Challenge

And so it began...  Dan and went inside and he immediately called my sister and Steve who came over right away.  This situation included her, as when her visit to check in came up, she would be given the same information. We called our lawyer who filled us in on what we were facing and basically there is nothing he could do at this point since our case was closed.  He was very upset about it and had been trying to get a hold of the officer who dismissed us to change his mind but with no success. Our lawyer, Mr. Smith, said that the only chance we have at this point is to go to the media and hope the pressure changes the mind of the counsel who is in charge because everything else is done.  He cannot explain why our case was denied, and said there were no reasons for the decision, and it did not agree with the way he believes the law should work.  It should not be that it works for some and not for others, but a step by step process that if you follow through and complete diligently you would get favorable results.  If you do not go through the process - then you do not.  Sounds too simple I guess.  Afterall, my mom got her green card and she was the one who initially came to this country with us as children.  We did not chose to come here nor did we understand or know anything about immigration as kids.  We simply went along with our parents like children do.  And now, our mom is allowed to stay, but we have to go back to a place we have not returned to in over 26 years, and would have a very hard time adjusting to.  It made no sense. What was wrong with us and why were we still unwanted? Is it just a computer glitch or a simple eenie - meenie - miney -mo and we were not it?

I called the Serbian Embassy in Chicago and they too, were flabbergasted by our situation and said they would do anything to help. Nebojsa in the Consulate office assisted us whenever we needed help and we are truly grateful. The good thing was that due to the ankle monitor there was a stall about me going to Chicago in order to obtain my passport and the legal travel documents needed for deportation.

My sister's friend, Jessica asked how she could help and after we suggested the media - she ran with that idea.  Fairly soon, we had numerous phonecalls to our home for possible interviews.  Also, Steve updated the FB website to now include my story.  He changed it from "Free Jelena," to "Keep Oli and Jelena in the US." http://www.facebook.com/groups/164355385075/  (Although this page started out differently and well over 1000 members supported us as I read we hit 1000 on June 21, 2010 Twitter page, FB changed their format and I think due to lack of updates at first, but then a change of format, the page is now labeled "group" and all the members were erased).  Unlike button.  My sister wrote up a wonderful post about me - one of those Steel Magnolia tearjerkers.  I was touched but still in shock and disbelief.  My sister-in-law, Kim called again as news was getting around her place of work - where Dan and Jelena both worked as well,  for a very long time.  People began calling as they saw the Facebook update and I think Dan and Steve answered most phone calls. http://twitter.com/#!/keepolijelena (and there was Twitter too :)

As the urgency was setting in, I remember going through the file cabinet and shredding everything.  I had to keep busy.  So apparently shredding our old bank statements and bills was a priority to me - I think I just dazed, actually.  My sister kept asking what I needed since everyone is calling and asking how they can help.  I knew our home was in desperate need of repair, but the only thing we had that we could sell and make money on, on which to live in Serbia.  We had no savings left as I mentioned before, and were in a terrible financial shape.  We owned the home for about 13 years, so we had equity in it.  My reasoning was to fix it up quick and sell it for the best price possible.  I knew that once I left, Dan would not take this project on, and probably short-sell it (and when I asked later, he admitted to this excatly), in order to come to Serbia quicker.  This would leave us with very little cash to live on and I was worried for my family.  I had to act quick and think fast.  I asked my sister to let everyone know if they wanted to help, we needed help fixing the house. Immediately people from all over started coming to our house and painting, bringing supplies, food, calling to see what they could do, etc.  I wish I had written a diary during this time. I wish I noted every note, e-mail, message, and visit. It was extremely overwhelming and humbling. My sister set up some spreadsheet and my best friend Melissa kept a notebook of needs and things done. It was amazing. I had no will to try but peace through it all. I remember laughing aloud to stay sane because observing my house was too surreal. Inside, I knew God would turn everything out for the best, and no matter what, it will be for my my best. I wanted to scream, yet I just went along with whatever others did and set up. I did not care what was going on; I was in a kind of a zone.

We had dinner provided for at least a week I think, and it was such a blessing seeing I was in no shape to cook or shop for food. So much thanks to Tonya and the Tortorici family, Rita, Roberta and the Met Church ladies who made some kind of care calendar and had people sign up to bring us food. I was literally living as a dead woman.  All drive left me and I gave in and let it be. I was weak, but within me the peace was undeniable. It made me smile and laugh and wonder why everyone around me was so worried. Now don't get me wrong, there were certainly times when I dropped my guard and fell into the circumstances and panicked. But strangely, those times prepared me for this extreme sense of patriotism towards America I cannot explain. I felt like the first settlers and long forgotten immigrants who came here many moons ago. I was fighting for my family, for my freedom, and for a chance to be called an American. I was fighting for peace, a better life and greater opportunity for our kids. I paid a dear price and felt mistreated for many years, but then it all went away, and rejection disappeared with the support of so many friends and even people from all over the world we have never even met.  I felt God gave me supporters and encourages for the fight.  There was even a nice lady from Dublin, Ireland who was supporting us and several from Japan and Australia/New Zealand area!  I felt empowered.

I knew I wanted our family to stay here. I wanted my children to go to school here. I wanted to play with my great-grandchildren here. I wanted us to retire here. THIS IS MY HOME! And I fought for it.  In it all, I had peace that if we had to leave we would still be together and it would begin an entire new adventure for us. If I turned to "signs" for clues or guides in my life, I would not have fought because all the "signs" pointed to us moving to Serbia. Our neighbor told us of a friend with a mission field in Serbia he could hook us up with. It seemed like the same story but in reverse of us moving here back in 1985 that we "had" to re-live because it was a generational thing...  I felt very adventurous and energetic in starting new and fresh because our life was so hard here and we were about to lose our home anyway.  Dan and I were sooooo hungry for change. At this point any kind of change to our mundane, poor, and unproductive lives.  But - there was a small part of me who saw this as a reason to fight. A part of me who saw this as an opportunity, in this land of opportunity. But as it is said, every testimony begins with a test. And we had so many tests, the eager hope of that many grand testimonies gave me a taste for victory I'll never forget.

The Turning Point

And so... it was a day I left and went to Starbucks with a book, and cried out to God that I am just like anyone else and cannot hold it together any longer by trying to be a "good Christian wife."  I know what the Bible says about divorce, but I see no other way.  If there was a way I would follow it, but I only saw fog no matter how hard I tried.  So in other words, I stopped trying.   I had to for my sanity's sake.  My best friend Melissa called just then and when I told her where I was and what I was contemplating, she and her husband Joe came to the coffee shop right away.  We talked, and Joe prayed for me and Dan, begging me to not call it quits.  I listened but did not hear.  I went home, and agreed with God to keep going, just a bit longer. Then...

I went into the monitoring company who by now has changed to BI http://bi.com/ for my routine check in and was told some crazy news. Apparently the motion to reopen our case was denied back in February and even our lawyer kept it from us.  All the while he tried all he could to turn the minds of the ones in charge because as he said - there was no reason for the denial, and it was one of those decisions people make according to their moods.  And the guy in San Antonio who denied us apparently had a very bad day and for whatever reason stamped our case closed and done.  Not in a good way.  The agent assigned to my case placed an ankle monitor on me as she described the specifics about the green and red lights on it.  I was in shock and could not believe what was happening but at the same time surprisingly calm and at peace.  I was told my case was closed and I needed to go to Chicago and get my passport situation taken care of ASAP because I was in the process of being deported and had to leave the country in TWO weeks.

Driving home, I tried to let it all sink in but I was beaten down to the core by this time so I was immune to pain and felt nothing at all. Since we only had the van at this time, Dan was waiting on me to take him to a part time gig selling roofs he was attempting.  He got in the car when I pulled into the garage and asked how my visit was, expecting to hear the usual.  I lifted up the bottom of my pant leg and exposed the ankle monitor.  I briefly told him what happened and that I had to leave the country in two weeks.  I said it very matter-of-fact like, still in shock and tazed.  He spoke sharply to me to stop the car and looked at me asking questions like - why are you taking me to work, and what are you doing? He said for us to go back into the house and do something about this.  He said it did not end there.  He took charge for the first time in a very long time. He said many things to me that day, but I knew nothing else mattered and he will fight for me.  His job situation did not matter because in at least this - he still had it in him to fight for his princess.  I felt loved again.  I saw a glimpse in his eyes.  I felt it in my bones coming straight from his heart.  Even for just a moment. The eyes of my own heart were opened so that I saw Love, I knew I had hope and power, and the inheritance of victory in battle is mine.

I agreed with Dan that I would fight to stay with him. The easy way for me would have been to accept deportation and go willingly, and it would have made sense with our marriage situation.  It would have been my "way out."  There were moments I was tempted to look forward to being alone in a foreign land and have time to myself to get in shape and "find myself" and come back all chic like Sabrina. But when I looked at my knight in shining armor as I saw him this way for the first time since we first courted, I saw love and I could not turn away from love.

The warrior spirit returned to both of us.  It was like we had something in common to fight for since fighting to survive financially was only dividing us and breaking us apart due to our differing views. We gave up fighting to keep our bodies fit and we lost the will to fight to make God "like" us. Just as we were, we offered ourselves to God and knew we could trust Him, that He has ordained all of this. Every circumstance won its battle against us but now the last battle for the win of the war was aimed at us directly. We mustered up any will to survive we had left and let go.  There was much more we have not discovered yet. We became stronger together.  The battle begun.  I knew the road would be a lot harder but at the end of the day, I didn't want to end up singing "Rolling in the Deep."